<3

Eighty five year old Boa Sr died earlier this year in the Andaman Islands (Bay of Bengal), taking with her the language Bo. Buried with Boa, and the language Bo, are also customs and a way of living.  Language is nation’s most valued treasure – it is a communication wheel and an expression of culture. While cause of language Bo’s extinction was colonization, nowadays an increasing number of people put their native language on a worrisome temporary postponement.

People naturally lose some of their first language when they move to a new country. It suffers whether the move lasts one year, or forever. Accents disappear first, and then word pool decreases in volume. A person finds herself drumming to different slang, and wondering why getting coffee has some other meaning.

In physical sense language is a muscle that weakens if not ‘exercised’ regularly. Don’t exercise it for a few months, and there is a price to pay. Same muscle qualities, however, allow it to resurrect with renewed practice. It doesn’t have to be hard: a newspaper here, a book there, and very quickly one can be in the best (language) shape of their life. Try the tips below!

1. READ
If you move from your country of origin at the age of ten, you will have a vocabulary of a ten year old in your native language. If you leave at nineteen, the vocab stays at nineteen as well. You have to read to improve volume of the words you use. Start reading websites, news portals, articles, and blogs. Web is a limitless resource in every language imaginable. Continue on with a few classics in your language. Try reading Dostoevsky, or read books written by the country’s great writers.

2. SPEAK
Once I arrogantly laughed at a French professor who warned that if I didn’t take time to speak Bosnian every day, I could get into a habit of forgetting it.  He believed speaking was a sure way to cultivate language knowledge, and flow. He was right,  (so thank you Mr. Fitzgerald, I dedicate this post to you)!  When you move to a different environment, and immerse in a new life, you pick up that environment’s customs, language, and thoughts. Not practicing your first language results in a deficit. Pretty soon you will be translating thoughts word for word. Literal translations lose the meaning, aid the loss of words, and cause the flow of language to be choppy. So – speak at every opportunity you get, and create opportunities to speak in your first language when there are none. Call up a friend that speaks the same language. Get in touch with your family. Talk with your mother! If you’ve gotten into a bad habit of speaking your second language with the fam, take every effort to change this. (Even if it means stopping mid-sentence and starting over again.) Take a friend from your country of origin to dinner. Start a book club, an appreciation group, or Skype with someone! Remember that each time you take the easy route, you are that much poorer.

3. WRITE
Writing is the third most important tool in keeping up to date with your first language. The act of putting words on paper, and later reading them helps you practice the alphabet, format your thoughts logically, and brush up sentence construction. If you wanted to start a journal to document your road to success this is your chance. All you need is a notebook / writing pad, and a pen. If you prefer typing, start a blog about something that interests you. (Example: recipes, fashion, design, history… ) You can also contact a newspaper, or an online news portal and market your articles.  If you are a private person who prefers to communicate with a few people, then stick to emails or snail-mail. Find a pen-pal. Just make sure you spend time writing weekly.

4. TRANSLATE
If you have a mastery of grammar and sharp writing skills, then translating may be a perfect way for you to maintain your language skills. To translate, you will not only be using the first three tips excessively, but you will have to translate the meaning of the matter you are translating.  Finding adequate words that translate meaning from one language to another also commands a knowledge of cultures.  If you feel confident with the above requirements, start translating small pieces for free, and progress from there. Most places will not require you to have an interpreter’s degree if the quality and volume of your work is of a high caliber. Once your portfolio is polished start charging for your language skills.

5. ELEMENTARY GRAMMAR
By the time a child finishes elementary school they have been provided the opportunity to learn correct grammar of their first language. If you’ve forgotten some basic grammar rules ask a friend to send you an elementary school language book, and a practice workbook. Dedicate a couple of hours to it weekly. It is not embarrassing to forget the things you no longer use, what’s embarrassing is knowing you forgot and not doing anything about it.

6. LISTEN
Put on some nostalgic old music. Scout out new bands and singers. Most radio stations with websites stream live which means that you can now listen at the same time as it’s being broadcast. Ask a friend to recommend a radio show, or a station, and tune in.

7. WATCH
Same as radio stations: some TV stations stream, and there is always the satellite dish. Also, Netflix carries a great amount of foreign films, so grab your country’s classics.

8. NEW CONCEPTS
Just as you leave your country of origin with a certain vocabulary, you also leave it with the knowledge you’ve acquired until that point in time. We learn something new every day, and the worst thing to assume is that concepts translate word for word. When you learn a new concept or a historical detail, strive to translate it right away. Grab a dictionary, encyclopedia, or a history book, and learn what the event/person/place/thing is called in your first language.  Concepts and history are interpreted in different ways across the globe, and although most concepts will be the same this is not the rule. By translating new concepts you not only improve your language skills, but your general knowledge as well.

9. TUTOR
There is a saying that a teacher appears when you are ready to learn. This works both ways. When you are ready to teach, a student appears. Believe it or not, there are people at this very moment who want to learn your native language for fun, as a  job requirement, or both. Do local colleges in your area offer your first language? If yes, would they hire a tutor, or allow one to post fliers on campus? If no, has there been an interest in the language?  To teach at most universities, you will have to have a degree /certificate, however you can always meet the professor and ask for a short spot in class, introduce yourself to the students, and offer your tutoring services.  Additional tip: State Department language schools can be a good place to start tutoring also.

10. KIDS
Many people fail to teach their first language to their kids. Understand that your laziness is robbing your children of an invaluable resource, and get to work! Studies say it is best to speak to child in your native language only, and to never switch. For example: if you speak French, and your partner speaks English, (and you’re living in an English speaking country) you would speak to your children in French only, and your partner in English only. If for both of you French is the first language (and you live in an English speaking country), pick who will speak in French, and who in English. If you haven’t been consistent, your kids are probably going to pout about having to learn. Give it a few years. They’ll love you when they’re all grown up and bilingual.

<3,
LOLA

French woman possesses a certain allure. To me she is most well represented in Vanessa Paradis: long contours of smooth skin, innate sartorial expertise, and ballet-like pose.  I’ve met quite a few French women, and they all seem to posses those qualities. French girls are bred on sensuality of Colette, they are fed with exquisite food, and have a history of equal, but definitely more pronounced femininity. Borrowing from Helena Frith Powell, Debra Ollivier, numerous articles, and my own observations, what follows are tips to awaken our inner French woman.

1. Basics are Key.
How many of you, while watching “Total Makeover” type shows realized most of the women on there could have skipped many of surgical procedures if they did three things:  their hair, nails, and makeup?! There is a great quote by Helena Frith Powell: “There are probably just as many plain girls in France as there are in England and America but they don’t look plain.” I prefer to think we all have something beautiful in us, and I haven’t to this day met a person who did not have something beautiful about them. But I digress. One of the first steps to finding that inner femininity that French express so well is to take care of simple things. Budget out a manicure here and there. Take great care of your face. Pluck those eyebrows. Once you start doing this on regular basis you will notice even more beautiful things about yourself. And once you have the simple, basic beauty look down, it only gets better. But first, you have to remember the basics!

2. Skinny On the Skinny.
French women also have the nutrition down. Most don’t eat fast food, wouldn’t be caught with a soda, and books have been written about their inability to gain weight. So what do they eat/drink? Cheese, meat, vegetables, chocolate, and wine. And they hate exercise! From what I observed, and read, these are their tricks: they prepare fresh food every day, they have three regularly scheduled meals, they eat no snacks, they walk a lot, and they portion their food. If they overeat at a restaurant, lighter meals are on the menu for the next couple of days. And instead of a scale, a French woman will use the old method of measuring weight by tightness of the clothes. What I love about this approach is the lack of rigidity. In most other countries there is a prevalence of women adhering to a punishing regimen to gain the figure of their choice. Food is a pleasure, French know this, and they plan it accordingly. Some of the steps to take toward this type of nutrition are as follows: kick out the chips and snacks, sip wine instead of Pepsi, get a smaller plate and fill half of it with veggies first then add the rest, and enjoy. Take each bite and drown in its tastiness, feel the texture of the food, make love with it, take it for every drip of flavor it has. And always be thankful!

3. As Above, So Below.
Underneath a French woman’s clothes is a matching pair of high quality lingerie. Why would one dream of mismatching when there is such a discipline in a well-made pair that matches? Just as we spend time choosing body washes good enough for our body, we should spend time collecting great lingerie. Yes, collecting! Lingerie is an investment, something one budgets for. Don’t despair if your collection is small at first. You can even start with wearing better lingerie on weekends only, until your collection is large enough to proceed into the weekdays. Lingerie, it is not something you should get only for those showcasing occasions. Lingerie is made with women in mind. It is for you! It is so your body feels loved, and nourished when you put on that perfect lace set.  Start by solemnly swearing you will: A) NEVER, EVER, NEVER again buy just a bra, or just panties, (especially not in bulk). You shall buy them in pair. A matching pair! B) You will take care of your lingerie by hand washing it, and hanging it to dry. (Eager to start your collection? Few suggestions: Agent Provocateur, Victoria’s Secret, La Senza, La Perla.)

4. Feed The Soul.
While the French have a tradition of great literature, what is even greater is their tradition of absorbing this literature. This translates into women who take time to really develop their knowledge of philosophy, literature, music, and the arts. They are unafraid to join any conversation because they have spent time honing their opinions. It is as important to read a book, as it is to find the right face cream. Spectacularly sexy is their love for museums, libraries, and shows. This starts in schools where great philosophers are taught not as easy electives in college, but as a part of regular scholarly curriculum. Luckily for the rest of us, learning is not something confined to school only. We can and should take every opportunity to broaden our intellectual horizons. Start your French reading connection with: Flaubert, Colette, Sartre, & De Beauvoir.  I guarantee it will feed  your mind and soul.

5. Quality Over Quantity, Always.
Their homes are not as big, yet somehow always perfect. Their wardrobes small, but all the clothes fit. Their cars tiny, still they travel far. What, exactly, is the trick? French women always choose quality over quantity. Everything is picked with an eye of an observer who knows what they have been looking for. There are no bulk purchases. There are no “five for the price of one”. If something fits, you don’t need five of each. You choose one that is perfect. Choose the details in your life, so they don’t choose you. Always look for quality. So when you have a few signature pieces in your home, there is no need for unnecessary space fillers. When you build a set of clothes that you love, you won’t need two closets to fit it all. When you decide where to go, it won’t matter what transportation got you there. Don’t despair if you don’t get a hang of it all at once. Quality is something that comes over time, with practice. And if you direct yourself to make conscious choices when you are acquiring something, in time you too will find that the quality of your life has immensely improved.

<3
Lola

]]> http://www.coffeewithlola.com/2009/02/04/10-ways-to-your-inner-french-woman/feed/ 4 http://www.coffeewithlola.com/2008/05/13/how-to-be-a-woman/ http://www.coffeewithlola.com/2008/05/13/how-to-be-a-woman/#comments Wed, 14 May 2008 01:22:04 +0000 lola http://www.coffeewithlola.com/?p=17 Steve Pavlina has been Dr. Phil to my inner Oprah for a while now. I stumbled upon his articles on self-discipline a while ago, and since then regularly browse his site. He is currently looking for articles on “How to be a woman”. So here it is, a perspective from a twenty something woman on being one.

1. Treasure your body, mind, and soul.

A woman knows her humanness is supported by honoring these three. Although it’s becoming cliché to hear it, we all could take greater care of ourselves. Exercising, eating well, meditating, and caring for one’s mind are directly proportional to living optimal lives.

2. Embrace your inner feminist.

Regardless of the confusion, key definition of feminism is the policy, practice or advocacy of political, economic, and social equality for women. Thanks to this policy many women in the world today are voting, choosing their careers, making decisions about their bodies, and having a voice in societies they live in. Embracing one’s inner feminist means promoting ideas of equality in our lives, and in lives of those women who are not as fortunate.

3. If the answer is ‘no’, ASK AGAIN!

Men are excellent at being assertive. Assertiveness may be one reason they often get ahead of women, especially in the workforce. They are unafraid to ask for something more than once, as should you be! So when you hear a negative in response to your inquiry about a better position, promotion, raise, and so on, relax. Recuperate, prepare your argument, and ask again! They can only say ‘no’ a limited amount of times before the answer is ‘yes’.

4. Take charge of your finances.

Abundance is the key to living the fullest life possible! Lady get a hold of thy finances! Start by appreciating what you have: relationships, friendships, food, home, shoes, hamster… Secondly, monitor your money flow to find out where you stand. Finally, develop your financial goals for the next 1, 5, and 10 years. (Joan Sotkin is a great resource.)

5. Apologize NOT for the life you want to lead.

Turn inward for any main decisions you want to accomplish in life. You may want to get married early and have a few kids. You may never want to get married. You may want to join the Peace Corps. You may want to dedicate yourself to partying. You may want to dedicate yourself to God. Whatever it is, make no apologies! You are the only authority in your life. Others’ respect and acceptance will not come because of your successes or failures, but because of your courage to live the life of your dreams.

6. Accept the generational and cultural differences.

Different generations differ on ‘how to be a woman’. To make it more confusing so do different cultures. Your mother may have been happy working a regular job, while you want to be the CEO. Your friend from Europe may use her flirtatiousness to get ahead while your neighbor may think ideas of woman-ness are completely off the wall. Release the need to be righteous! Accept that as long as the world exists there will be differences. And that there is a great learning in those differences everyone can profit from.

7. Men deserve direction to understand you better.

What it means to be a woman has changed dramatically in the past decades. Men in your life may be confused about their own definition of how to be men as it relates to you. Fearlessly approach this subject. They will be grateful that you are finding common ground together.

8. Explore your sexuality.

This can be simple, or complex. Either way, freely explore pleasures! Experiment with what you like. Discover your body. Love your body. Kiss. Make love. Caress. Read erotica. Share thoughts with your partner. Dress up the part. Step today into what you were afraid of yesterday.

9. Remember to laugh.

Laugh everywhere. Laugh anywhere. Laugh with friends, and alone. Let your soul, body, and mind unite in an orgasm of laughter.

This reaches the end of my little guide on ‘how to be a woman’. Enjoy your evening.

Love,

Lola.